What would be the first thing you’d say if asked to describe yourself? Would you talk about your interests, hobbies, and values? Or would you go into detail about where you work, what you do, how you do it, and the accolades you’ve earned?
Chances are, if you’re a BAUCE woman, you’ve worked hard to achieve a prominent career. And you should share your accomplishments.
The problem arises when your career becomes the only facet of your identity. You may have come to a point where you noticed that your obsession with success has taken priority over your relationships, self-care and other interests. In this case, it may be time to step back and re-evaluate where you can begin to round out your identity.
Accomplishments make us proud for a while yet can still leave us empty from lack of joy and fulfillment. Here are a few suggestions to create a sense of self that doesn’t include your job title.
How one’s career can be mixed up with one’s identity
If your career is entangled in your identity, it’s not entirely your fault. Many companies reward workers for putting in long hours and overtime. Some companies even penalize employees for not responding immediately to emails or messages. According to this article in Harvard Business Review, women feel pressure to change who they are in the workplace to succeed.
In addition, pressure from family, friends, and community members often contributes to the pressure we feel to succeed at work and at nothing else. Perhaps you were expected to become a doctor or lawyer. And each time you got closer to achieving someone else’s dream, you were loved, admired, and appreciated. Leading you to associate the things you do with who you are.
With all the pressure to become successful, you’ve devoted most of your free time to climbing the career ladder, leaving behind things that brought you peace and happiness.
The good news is you can live in both worlds. You can be a successful BAUCE woman at work and foster healthy relationships and hobbies outside work. The key is to put in the time and effort, and you’ll slowly craft a life that has meaning both in and outside work.
Here’s how to get started.
How to separate your identity from your career
It’s important to remember that going through this process will take time. Yes, you are a bit of an overachiever, but it’s essential to take these steps one at a time. If not, you’ll overwork yourself and return to where you started.
1. Remember your true self: Think back to your childhood. What kind of child were you? Were you adventurous, creative, outspoken, inquisitive? For many people, their younger version is their more authentic self. Younger years are often the most playful and fun, as there is less pressure to succeed.
Understanding who you were as a child may take some time. Inviting her to play occasionally is important. Take some time to do things you enjoyed as a kid. Consider placing a picture of your younger self on the wall as a daily reminder. Remember that you owe it to your inner child to have fun.
2. Lessen your workload: Do you have a hard time deligating in your pursuit to be the best? Wearing all the hats, trying to be the person that everyone needs can lead to burnout. Instead of juggling tasks, start delegating. People performing tasks differently than you doesn’t mean the job won’t get done. Trust your support to get the work done and allow yourself those extra hours to focus on who you’re becoming.
3. Find new activities outside of work: What is something you’ve been curious about lately? What’s something you’ve been meaning to learn? One of the best ways to develop a new identity is to pursue your interests. Start with something simple such as taking a hike once a month, signing up for a martial arts class, or taking a cooking class.
4. Reconnect with friends and family: Your friends and family usually have a good idea of your authentic self. And if you’ve been busy working all the time, you probably haven’t seen your close friends in a while. Reconnecting doesn’t have to be going out for drinks or having a big dinner. You can start by simply sending a message to a good friend. Or you go old school by calling an old friend to say hi. Friendships bring the comradery many of us need to feel supported and contribute to our emotional health overall.
5. Review your values: What’s most important to you? Of course, your first thought is about your career. Yet have you thought about why you want to be the next CEO or why you want the promotion? Chances are, it’s going to make you feel a certain way. Perhaps you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment, pride, and strength. However, is that feeling what you genuinely want out of life?
Or do you value living a life with purpose? Do you value human connection or your health? Take some time to ask yourself if all the work you’re putting in for a job is aligned with your values.
6. Give back: Working contributes to a sense of purpose. There are multiple ways to be influential without working 40+ hours a week. Mentoring someone can give you a great perspective on yourself and help you to utilize your skills in a new way. Volunteer your time by supporting those in more vulnerable situations. Helping others can help you feel proud and respected.
