Every Black woman and girl deserves to love what she sees in the mirror. After all, the relationship that you have with yourself is the most consistent and enduring one, so it’s worth putting in the work to embrace and love yourself unconditionally. Unfortunately, this has not always been accessible to Black women. For example, in the early 20th century, social scientists conducted the infamous doll test, which indicated how Black children had internalized the tragic lie that their skin color and hair texture made them inferior to their white counterparts. Times have changed, but there is always a need to empower and uplift Black women and girls. Jennifer Vassel, an author and an advocate for self-love, encourages people to empower themselves and others around them. Jennifer has literally written the self-confidence playback as she created the I am Unique! Book Series, and she is now sharing her insights with BAUCE.
Spend Your Time Wisely
It’s no secret that time is a finite and formidable resource. So we must be thoughtful about how our relationships, careers, and hobbies consume our daily routines. Jennifer explains: “They say we’re the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. I’d expand this to also include being mindful of the content we consume, the food we’re eating, and what we’re watching, reading, and listening to. Do you find yourself sucked into celebrity gossip more than you are focusing on yourself and your personal development? Does how you spend your time support or take away from your ability to achieve your goals? Take inventory of how you spend the hours in your day and adjust accordingly.”
Give Yourself Grace
Acclaimed designer Diane Von Furstenberg once shared the quote: “The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.” This is a deeply important mantra. BAUCE has published numerous pieces about positive affirmations, retreats centered on self-care, and lessons from other BAUCE women. Jennifer feels strongly about this topic and says: “We can be so brutal in the way we speak about ourselves. There have been times when I’ve subconsciously started playing the comparison game and said something negative about myself. What I’ve learned to do (and trust me, it’s an ongoing process), is to first notice when I’m going down a spiral of mental blows, and stop the negative talk by quickly shifting my mind into thinking about things that I am grateful for in that moment (e.g., getting up to see another day, having access to running water, being able to move my body, etc.). I’m a visual person so writing it down helps me actually see how much I have to be grateful for and puts things into perspective.”
Collaboration is Key
An oft-quoted proverb suggests: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” This saying has stood the test of time given its eternal relevance. Your network, personal and professional, can be massively helpful as they can remind you of how far you’ve come. To that end, Jennifer advises people to: “Find an Accountability Partner in the areas you want to improve or build upon. Share your goals with them and set up regular check-ins. Whether it is scheduling a therapy session after a year-long hiatus, finally working with a nutritionist to help you design a meal plan that works best for you, or sharing a dream with a friend, know that you don’t have to go through life trying to figure things out on your own. Sometimes building your self-confidence looks like curating your own personal board of advisors.”
