My Love is…

Consistent. Unconditional. Steadfast. My love is…none of these. It’s selfish, self-centered, greedy, conditional, and unmerciful– let’s just say I’m a horrible lover. So why do I feel that I’m capable of measuring someone else’s love? What qualifies me to criticize another’s expression of love? Why don’t I line up to the expectations that I have for others?

Does this person sound like you? Is this person you? If so then the both of us have got some serious work to do.

How can we possibly have a hierarchy of love for our lovers that we don’t abide by ourselves? How can we possibly not see ourselves as tyrannical hypocrites? Sadly, this  may be the very reason that the world’s view of love is so warped, diluted, polluted—a completely infected wound that needs some serious peroxide, alcohol, witch hazel (whatever can be found).

Ladies there is nothing more truthful than the statement “We all want a good man.” But are we good women? We want the perfect guy but are we the perfect woman? Now realizing that all women are different I think we have preferences that for the most part are the same when it comes to Mr. Right: Attractive, thoughtful, insightful, considerate, sweet, caring, patient, respectful, financially stable…etc. Depending on who you are this list can go for miles, days, even weeks. Either way all these qualities are to serve as verification that our man loves us. I must admit that I have a “list” for my man…but as I start to look at it makes me wonder how many of these attributes do give back to him.

“Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.” Classic. Noble. And will never be erased. This childhood lesson, moral code; biblical standard should be the foundation for every relationship. The things that I want my man to do for me–shouldn’t I be doing the same for him? Often as women we want men to lead, protect and enforce…completely step into the roles intended for them by our ultimate creator. But I think that we forget that they expect the same from us. The role of a woman…how amazing is she! She is the backbone, the support…the re-enforcer–meaning not only do we hold him accountable but in that act we are doing the same…If he’s leading then we are following.

Really quickly let’s take a look at the definition of the word follower: one that imitates another (Miriam Webster). This statement brings me back to my initial point: We have uphold the standards that we set for our relationships. We want men to be patient with us…are we patient with them? We want them to listen to us…do we take time to listen to them? Whenever we are having a hard day we want to come home to man who is aware of our melancholy mood and automatically adjust to make our evening better than our work day. How often do we do this for our men (be honest)? Do we really try to make all their worries go away or do we set them up (you know the whole dinner, massage, manipulate them with sex and then dump all of our worries on them).

How often do we put the mirror up close to us…not the ones that make us look taller and thinner and not when we’re covering our flaws up with make-up? I’m talking about a real magnifying mirror that exposes all the inadequate, under qualified, ugliness–the truth. Is our love only about self? Or is it this…

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres… Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8)

I’ll be the first to say that my love is not consistent with the above statement…but it can be…and so can yours.


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