Finding “the one” can be an extremely difficult task. There are so many different factors that determine whether two people can work well together or not that you may feel reluctant to let go of someone when they tick the majority of your boxes. But at the end of the day, no matter how perfect someone may seem in one way, the relationship could prove difficult or even toxic if they don’t meet up to other expectations or requirements. So, it’s important that you view each relationship you have with an honest and open eye and that you determine whether it is genuinely healthy for both people involved. Here are a few questions that you can ask yourself in order to determine whether things are working and should be continued, or whether there are some serious red flags showing already.
Do You Trust One Another?
Without trust, relationships are nothing. So a good first question to ask yourself is whether you and your partner trust one another. You should both be able to get along happily while allowing one another privacy and independent space. You shouldn’t feel the need to have to have access to phone passwords or read one another’s private messages. You shouldn’t be engaging in any stalker-like behaviour where you are tracking them or constantly checking up on where they are. If you can’t take each others’ word for things, you probably shouldn’t be together. Of course, sometimes there are valid reasons for a lack of trust. Perhaps one or both of you were hurt in the past by lying or cheating. Maybe you have already lied or cheating on one another. But if you have chosen to forgive each other and turn a fresh page, you need to stick by this decision and truly trust one another. Suspicion and doubt can tear an otherwise healthy relationship apart!
Does Your Partner Make You Feel Good About Yourself?
Self-confidence is an extremely important aspect of a health and happy life. Sure, some of us naturally lack confidence in ourselves. We can doubt ourselves. We can compare ourselves to others. We can hold unreasonably high expectations of ourselves in regards to our finances, our looks, and our social lives. But your partner should help to make you feel more comfortable in your own skin and to help you feel happier about yourself and your life in general. If you find that your partner regularly knocks you down, you may be experiencing serious problems in your relationship. Your partner should help you to flourish! They shouldn’t make you feel self-conscious! Remember that there is a big difference between constructive criticism and simply making you feel bad about yourself.
Do You Feel Safe Around Your Significant Other?
You should never find yourself in any position where you do not feel safe around your significant other. If your partner scares you or threatens you, it may be time to look for a way out. Of course, this is easier said than done. Living with someone who makes you feel vulnerable can leave you feeling powerless and as though you have nowhere else to go. But there are plenty of sources of help out there. From friends and family members to the police, refuges like Safe Harbor House, helplines, support groups and more. People who are capable of making you feel unsafe can often be extremely manipulative and vindictive. But try your hardest not to fall prey to their threats or violence. Remember that domestic abuse can take all sorts of different shapes and forms, so make yourself aware of how physical and mental abuse can take shape.
Do You Have Similar Life Goals?
This may sound like an odd consideration, but do you and your partner have similar life goals? Sure, you may feel that one or both of you can make sacrifices to make a relationship work and this is true to an extent. Minor sacrifices may be worth making the relationship work. But sacrificing major life goals and trying to live a lifestyle that you are not truly happy with will eventually make you miserable, regardless of how much you may love your partner. Some areas to consider should include:
- Whether you want children – this can prove to be a point of contention amongst many couples. Many people do not discuss such deep topics as kids when they first get together. But as time passes on, you may find that you and your partner have conflicting views about having kids. If you are in love, you may feel that your partner is more important than this life goal. But if it is something you have your heart set on, you may find yourself feeling bitter or trying to change their mind down the line. It is important that everyone respects everyone else’s decision, so don’t try to force someone into doing something or not doing something that goes against their genuine wants!
- Where you want to live – if your partner has a lifelong dream of living in another country, this may conflict with your own preferences. The same goes for the situation reversed. Neither of you should be inhibited from doing what you want. The other shouldn’t feel that they have to give up their family, job, or other aspects of the life they already lead in order to follow someone to another unknown place that they’re not genuinely interested in moving to.
- Whether you want to be married – some people want to be wed. Some people do not. It’s important that you establish this with your partner relatively early on, as you don’t want to find one or the other being pressured into a ritual that they do not feel comfortable with.
Are You Being Your True Self Around Your Partner?
When many of us date, we can end up projecting a false version of ourselves in the hopes that it will make others like us more. If you are dating someone who is into a certain type of music, a certain style, or who has certain hobbies, you might find yourself pretend to hold more similar interests to them than you really do in order to encourage favor for yourself in their eyes. You might act a little differently to how you usually would. You might proclaim that you hold
Do You Have a Healthy Sexual Relationship?
Sex isn’t the be all and end all of relationships. But for many of us, it is an important aspect of our relationships and can play a major role in a healthy love life. So, ask yourself: do you have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner? Do you have both have similar desires? It is important that no party is feeling pressured to engage in sexual behaviour any more than they feel comfortable with. It is also important that you don’t make up excuses for not wanting to do anything. Too many people claim that they have headaches, that they are tired, or that they feel unwell in order to “get out” of having sex. Instead, you should feel comfortable enough with your partner to simply say no and that you don’t feel like it. Mutual respect in this aspect is extremely important for the health of any relationship. There shouldn’t be any pressure!
Do You Argue Often?
All people argue in relationships at some point or another. So, arguing isn’t necessarily an immediate problem. What is a problem is if you find yourself arguing on a regular basis. This shows that arguments are not proving effective in resolving your problems. If you argue and come to conclusions or solve problems, this is fine. But if you argue and find yourself arguing about the exact same issue a few days later, it shows that you and your partner are either communicating ineffectively or simply aren’t taking measures to resolve the problems that you are arguing about in the first place.
These are just a few different questions that you should ask yourself in regards to your relationship. They will help you to determine whether everything is genuinely as peachy and good as it all seems or it can help you to face up to the facts that maybe your current relationship isn’t actually healthy or particularly good for you. Honesty is key in this process. There is no point lying to yourself or making excuses for a relationship that isn’t as positive and as comfortable as it should be. Hopefully, the answers will help you to either repair problems in your relationship or successfully let go and move on to something better!