String-Along Valley: Why Do Men Ask Good Women to Wait?

“All relationships need to be where a girl is in love and a man is in like because then we’re equal.” This is what one of the men that I interviewed for this article told me when I asked him why men get non-committal on high-value women.

I, like many girls, just don’t get it. How can a man find the perfect women but still not want to be with her? How can they date someone for two years and never fall in love with them? Or — my favorite — tell someone “I love you” and not mean an ounce of it? The answer: men love to string women along. We women have our own heart-wrenching thoughts on why men will sample plates of “appetizers” while keeping their main dish in the kitchen, so I decided to go to the source and discuss the topic with two of my handsome male co-workers, Ohio (25) and Michael (21) to get some insight.

Why do men string women along?

Ohio: Half the time it’s because we’re unsure if we want a relationship. If I’m not sure I want a girlfriend, I’m going to keep going with the flow until the girl says something.

Michael: There’s not a specific reason — it’s really dependent on the girl. Sometimes it’s like you like the idea of a girl being around but you don’t really want to commit. Basically, I want to feel committed but still do single things because I don’t want to deal with the emotional stress that comes with a relationship.

I heard a guy knows what his intentions are with a girl as soon as he meets her. Is this true?

Ohio: It’s true to a certain extent because it really depends on where I meet her. If I meet her at a party and she’s twerking on me initially all I’m going to want to do is have sex. But if I meet her at the library it’s a different approach. Girls need to be conscious on where she meets a guy.

Do you think it’s the women’s fault for being strung along?

Ohio: No, because she doesn’t want to seem pushy but all women should set boundaries and make them known.

Michael: Yes, to a point. If a girl is waiting for him for over three months and she doesn’t have an idea of where the direction of the relationship is going, she’s just being dumb.

So, if a woman doesn’t get the hint after three months, will you string her along as long as she’ll let you?

Ohio: Definitely. But if I worked for it and I have the desire to tell people then naw, I’m going to make her mine. Also, it’s hard to tell a woman I don’t want to talk to her anymore because I may want to keep having sex with her in the future. If she cuts things off then there’s still a chance for that.

In what situation(s) would you ask a girl to wait for you?

Ohio: If that thought crosses my mind then I must want a relationship. I wouldn’t ask a woman to wait.

Michael: If she’s too perfect and I know I will fuck up. I’ll be scared to mess up so by being scared I’m naturally going to mess up. To avoid her getting hurt by that I’d ask her to wait till I’m ready to settle down.

Ohio, you’ve been in a relationship for two years now — how did you know she was “the one”?

Ohio: She listens and she trust my judgment. I don’t say much without a purpose so her taking what I say seriously was the deciding factor for me.

Although my interviewees admitted to the fact that men love to play the “milk the cow for free” game, they made two important notes that shouldn’t be ignored:

1. Men will only do what you allow them to get away with.
2. Sometimes it’s all about timing.

Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely insecure douche-bag guys out there that will sell you a dream and marry the next doormat chick that makes them feel like a king. But as a woman who knows her value, you should be keen on not just a man’s words when he tells you to wait – but also his actions. If it’s really about timing (him needing to mature and find his purpose) look out for subtle signs that he is a man of his word. Perhaps he knows he’s not the man for you in this current moment because he’s a bartender and wants to afford to take you out to nice spots. Or, like Michael said, he knows he might “fuck up” because he hasn’t learned to control a wandering eye and he doesn’t want to bring irreversible pain into your life via cheating. If he’s truly working hard to build a quality career for himself, mature as a man, and get right spiritually, then his theory on “waiting” may hold some weight. But if he’s spending every Friday night at house parties getting his twerk-somes in while clutching a handle of Hennessy, then it’s time to bail and get yourself out of string along valley — fast.

Remember — if you know what you’re worth, you’ll never allow a semi-interested man to juggle your emotions and time. BAUCE women wait for no one. It’s hard and it does suck when you meet a guy you like that’s not ready for a great woman like you yet. But I truly believe that if the guy that asks you to wait is really the right man for you, then he’ll step up and claim you when the timing is right (and before another man steals you away forever).