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You Better Love Yourself: 5 Ways To Get Out Of Your Own Way

beautiful black woman

You got to love yourself first.

Only you can stop you. Easier said than done, right? Let’s be totally honest, we sometimes can stand in our own way for success. As Black women, we do a lot. We are master jugglers. We need to be twice as good yet be underpaid. We are resilient yet put everyone else’s needs before ours. In turn, we deal with being unhappy, tired and “stuck.” It’s time to stop the self-sabotage and start the self-love.

For me, sabotage was not believing in myself, or my self-worth. I was scared to take risks in life in fear of either being judged, rejected or feeling I wasn’t “good enough.” That affected everything in my life from career to relationships. I didn’t invest in myself, I didn’t take care of my health, I didn’t love myself properly.

I was a victim of bullying, self-doubt, depression, and self-hate.  I struggled with my self-confidence throughout middle school, high school and college. I blamed my looks and body shape for the reason why I shouldn’t apply for that job, or why I shouldn’t speak up and be heard. Like many women, I wanted to blend in and not draw attention to myself.

Self-love gave me the confidence to pursue anything I wanted to do. Here are five ways to get out of your own way.

Break the rules: getting comfortable with being uncomfortable

Stop asking permission to be great. We often blame others for why we can’t get ahead sometimes it is, however most times it is our own selves standing in our own way for success. How many times have we looked at job descriptions for jobs we really want, see one qualification that we aren’t so well versed at, and tell ourselves why even bother applying, I won’t get an interview. How many times have we worked with a co-worker or manager and asked ourselves, “How did they get this job? They aren’t qualified at all.” Many of our counterparts go after these positions without hesitation – maybe it’s a sense of privilege but it is also fearlessness. Go for it.

Learn how your perception of yourself affects your relationship, career and life goals

How much do our insecurities cost us? If you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t expect someone else to. You have to be truly honest with yourself, so often we blame other factors for our unhappiness: weight, job, looks, etc. When really, we have to an honest conversation with ourselves and determine the common denominator of what’s stopping us from living out our best life. \If we don’t like our weight, make a plan to get healthy. If we don’t like our jobs, make a plan to find a career you love. If we don’t like our relationships, get out of them. If we don’t like ourselves, seek out why – and start the work.

Find the balance of career and self-care

Learn to say no. I had to learn it was perfectly okay to say no, and if someone didn’t respect that no – then that was their problem and not mine. When I learned to start saying no, my life began to flourish. You may lose some friends or relationships but that is just Gods way of making room for those who truly need to be in your life. I had to learn this and many of you reading probably are already going through this or you will – and that’s okay.  Harboring negative energy only takes away time where you should be investing in your career, business or own personal health. You can’t build a career or business from an empty tank, you just can’t.

Find importance in investing in personal development opportunities available to you

Billion-dollar corporations send their employees to workshops and conferences to further their personal development for the company, why shouldn’t you for yourself? Instead of investing money on materials things (I love a good handbag honey) invest in a course to further your career or a workshop to help build your business. Your investment will pay off and more!

Use adversity to fuel determination

When faced with adversity such as someone says you shouldn’t apply for that job or you shouldn’t open that business, use that for your fuel to prove them wrong. Often times the people saying these things lack confidence in themselves to go for their dreams, don’t let their shortcomings influence your decisions. Are you living for others or for yourself at the end of the day?

FEATURED IMAGE via Suad Kamardeen

 

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