Friendships can end due to any number of problems or issues, and when you lose a friend that really means a lot, you may decide it’s worth some effort on your part to repair things.
There are two things you must consider before trying to mend a broken friendship: the source of conflict and your reasons for wanting to mend the friendship.
Reflect on the source of the conflict. Did your friend cause the rift or did you? Maybe it was your constant flakiness that caused your friendship to split or perhaps her taste for gossip. Whatever it was, it is very important to identify the source of the issue so that it doesn’t happen again, and you can decide whether or not it’s something you both can move past.
Examine your reasons for wanting to mend the friendship. Why do you want to rekindle the friendship? Is it because you truly miss the person and the memories you shared? Is it because you feel guilty about something you have said or done? Or is it simply because you’re lonely? If you’re feeling guilty or lonely, think again about rekindling your friendship. Reasons like these aren’t about the other person or your interactions together; it’s all about you and your needs. In other words, it is a one-sided friendship, which doesn’t build a foundation for a true, long-term relationship.
If your intentions are true and no serious obstacles exist between you, consider the following tips for rekindling your friendship.
Plan a Group Outing. If you feel uncomfortable being in an one-on-one setting with your ex-friend or want to determine if the relationship is irreparably damaged, try planning a group outing the person can attend. This method is even more helpful if there are unsettled problems problems or issues from long ago.
Give Her a Call. Make an informal call to the person just to say hello. You may want to give a reason for the call, such as updating your contact list, so it seems more natural. You will be able to tell from their tone and response if the friendship is repairable.
Say It In Writing. Write a friendly note or email to get in touch. It can be easier to veil or reveal emotion through writing. Also, just in case old arguments flare up with accusations that you said something mean or rude, you have written evidence as proof of your good intentions.
Enlist a Mutual Friend. Consider asking another friend to act as a mediator. Through this person, make casual inquiries regarding your lost friend’s attitude toward you and the friendship. Comments like, “I wonder what Alicia is up to these days. Have your heard from her lately?” are sure to draw insightful responses.
Send a Gift. A simple, thoughtful present will tell your former friend that you are thinking of her and may lead to a thank-you response or reciprocal gift that will help to re-establish your friendship.
One of life’s more endearing, life-long joys is friendship. If you are thinking about and missing a broken friendship, why not consider following one of the above tips to set things right again?