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Either You Have It or You Don’t

You just broke up with the love of your life and ice cream has become your new best friend. You’re lonely, sad, and everything but happy now that you’re single. Then in a couple of months, you receive a dreaded phone call from your ex asking to become friends. You’re completely stumped on whether to accept the offer or viciously reject. There is so much controversy between whether you are supposed to remain friends with your ex or simply keep that door closed and locked forever.

First, remember that they are your ex for a reason and it means they are an [ex]ample of what you don’t want in a committed relationship. When ending a relationship, remember to understand why it fell apart and what you seek in your next one. If you think your ex has other motives besides being your friend, boundaries have to be incorporated.

You have to make sure you are mentally prepared to be their friend and only their friend. You have to discuss what kind of relationship friends have. Just because you used to see their birthday suit on a daily basis doesn’t mean you have to keep seeing it once the friend label is stitched on. Nor does it mean that you have to receive 3 a.m. phone calls that lasts for hours and hours.

Some agree that ex’s are just plain ex’s and conversation can never be the same after a break up. Others say a friendship can happen depending on the feelings that were involved. If you were in love with this person, it’ll be hard to just see them as just your friend and only your friend. Most likely, you will probably reminisce on what was and this will be hard to maintain a friendship.

Some relationships end in friendships and then years later the relationship is started up again. There is always a time and place for everything, and if the relationship ended, there’s a possibility it may be for future experiences instead of present. It’s a 50/50 chance that it will be either good or bad, but taking that chance is entirely up to you.

In the end, it all comes down to what kind of emotions were involved and how your relationship ended in the first place before you determine to begin a friendship or not. If you were cheated on or physically abused, maybe being friends isn’t the best option. If you were seeing wedding bells and rocking chairs with this person and they broke your heart, maybe you should re-evaluate if a friendship is something you’re mentally ready for.

How do you cope with your exes?

 

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