This month we are introducing a new monthly feature to BAUCE: “Ask A Man”. Each month a male contributor will offer his thoughts and opinions on the questions that puzzle women most about the opposite sex. If you have a question or concern you’d like to anonymously have answered by a man then submit it to us through our contact form. Here’s this month’s question:
“My man has a female friend that calls herself his ‘office wife’. She is constantly bringing him lunch and buying him small gifts and I’m worried that my man might be catching feelings. How do I resolve this situation? Should I tell him to switch jobs? Positions? Departments?”
There are a few crucial things that need to be understood:
1. You really can’t resolve this situation – your man needs to.
You shouldn’t have to step into this scenario. He should be able to handle this on his own. You can’t realistically make him change his job, position, or department. He’s an adult who is allowed to navigate his own professional career. What you can do is have a conversation with him. Ask him what his thoughts are about her behavior. That will give you an idea of what course of action you should take. If he has any awareness, he’ll recognize that her usage of the term “office wife” is derogatory and disrespectful toward your relationship with him. If lunch and small gifts are all it takes for your man to catch feelings for another woman, then frankly his interest in you should have been examined more closely from the beginning.
2. Adults needs to know where to draw the line.
Situations like this will show a persons character – man or woman. We all like attention from other people whether we admit it or not – that is part of being human. We want to see evidence that someone else is thinking of us. With that being said, adults need to know where the lines are drawn. He simply needs to tell her to stop her behavior. If he doesn’t, then you have a decision to make since he didn’t resolve the situation. You can either stay and live in an uncomfortable relationship, or you can act in self defense and leave him. No one should put their significant other in a situation like that. This is a matter of maturity, and your mate needs to personify it.
3. You should not be worried about someone who isn’t worrying about you.
It is interesting that you used the language of being “worried” that your man might be catching feelings. In the event that he dismisses the notion that her advances are inappropriate, that will tell you everything you need to know about his priorities, where you fall within them, and what your priorities should be. You should not be worried about someone who isn’t worrying about you.
4. You need to have a conversation.
This all starts with communication between two adults. Give him an opportunity to express his view. He may not see it how you do, and might simply need some perspective. Be willing to grant him the benefit of the doubt, and simultaneously, don’t hesitate to close the door if it is doubtful that he’ll change.