“How did she get married before me? She’s been with everybody, and I’m over here practicing abstinence for what?” Have you ever experienced jealousy? Don’t be embarrassed; it happens to the best of us. Jealousy happens when someone receives what you thought you were next in line for. Jealousy also happens when you believe someone’s success somehow highlights your failures. Here’s a secret: you are too extraordinary to be compared with anyone else. Below are 10 reminders for the woman jealous of her fellow BAUCE.
#1: Upgrade Your Circle
We often experience jealousy when we are no longer the “smartest” in our circle. Are you the smartest woman in your group of friends? Do you find yourself being the only one wanting to do a paint and sip instead of doing hookah on Friday night. Are you the only one listening to eBooks on your way to work while your girlfriends are blasting music that degrades them during their commute? @WomenEmpowermentCorner says, “Having the right circle of women around you is the biggest upgrade.” Instead of sticking by your old friends, because their lack of growth feeds your ego, challenge yourself to upgrade your circle of friends.
#2: Cheer for Those Who Win First
Jealousy often rears its ugly head, when we believe our hard work is overlooked for someone who doesn’t work nearly as hard as us. “How did she find Mr. Right when I read every relationship book, and follow every coach on YouTube; yet, I’m the one going to bed alone?” When this happens, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, clap for the woman winning before. When you go through the motions of smiling, saying congratulation, and literally clapping for someone else, you’ll notice that your entire mood shifts. “Every woman’s success should be an inspiration to another. We’re stronger together.” by @WomanEmpowermentCorner.
#3: Know Your Strengths & Get Busy With It
What’s your expertise? What do you do best? Sometimes, we are so engulfed in what someone else is doing, because we don’t really know what we should be doing. “Oh, her lash line isn’t even all of that. I could have found this at the beauty supply.” “Those deserts she’s selling look store bought. I can find that at the bakery counter at Publix.” Have the courage to study and groom your skill sets so that you’ll be so focused on your craft that you won’t even have the time to be jealous of someone else.
#4: Know What Works For You
Guess what? We’re not all going to “make it” at the same time. That is because everyone is different. That’s why it’s so important to know what works for you. When you finally figure out what works for you; it’ll nearly be impossible to be jealous of someone else. You’ll be able to trust your own pace. Coco Chanel put it best, “The best color in the whole world is the one that looks good on you.” Have the courage to study the specifics that work in your life, and notice how quickly jealousy fades.
#5: Sis, Social Media Is A Highlight Reel!
Your friend posts a gorgeous picture while you’re lying on the couch stuffing your face with pizza and wine. You instantly feel like the “ugly one” in the group, and start to spiral into your insecurities. World renowned life coach @TonyGaskins famously said, “Don’t compare your behind the scenes to someone’s highlight real.” You don’t know what someone is going through behind closed doors. Be thankful for what you have and simply do the work to get where you want to be. Social media rarely gives you the full picture. Remember that every blessing has a responsibility attached to it.
#6: Run YOUR Race
Have you ever been jealous of someone who wasn’t even in your field? If you focus on just being better than you were yesterday, you’ll be too busy staying in your lane than to worry about who’s passing you by. Everyone’s journey is different. Your journey is not going to look like the next lady’s and guess what, this is what makes life so beautiful: the diversity of our experiences. Women empowerment guru: @ClassyHustleBabes puts it best when they say, “Her success is not my competition.”
#7: Investigate the Source
Most times, jealousy stems from a negative narrative you’ve told yourself. However, there are cases that induce jealousy through no fault of your own. Do you have that one friend who brags about their promotion while you’re unemployed? Do you know someone who brags about how wonderful their husband is right after you confessed that you suspect foul play in your relationship? Drop that friend. If they don’t have the emotional intelligence to know not to highlight their own success while you’re in the midst of your failures, they don’t deserve your time. Self-improvement blog on Instagram @Selfcare4yu says, “Whoever brings you the most joy and peace, should get your time.”
#8: Choose Inspiration Over Envy
Self-improvement coach @theteacherchelsea says, “ Pay attention to the story of your role model and less on the happy ending.” Jealousy rears its ugly head when you assume that someone’s load was lighter than yours. If you study your role models process and progress, you’ll be more motivated than envious.
#9: Remember: Nothing is for Nothing
Hard truth: jealousy also occurs when you regret not putting in the work. It’s been said time and time again, “It’ll work, if you work it.” Lifestyle blogger @TalkswithMegan.blog says, “Be careful when you accept ‘free’ stuff; nothing is for nothing.” Jealousy is rooted in regret when you know you you’re gifted, but lack diligence.
#10: Be the best Cheerleader
If you only knew what the next woman had to endure to achieve her success, you will be celebrating with her. Have you ever considered, that the person you’re jealous of deserves to be where they are. You never know the challenges someone had to overcome to reach their destination, so be their cheerleader.