Ask a Man: How Do I Support My Man If He’s Not ‘Successful’?

Our readers wanted to know: “If a man finds himself not where he wants to be in life (no job, out of work, low pay, etc) how can he boost himself up? How can his woman support him?”

I am excited to touch on this topic. I think it is a very important conversation to have. Firstly, if a man isn’t where he wants to be in life, there should probably be some self reflection to begin the process of boosting himself up:

How did I get to this point?

We all have moments when we should be honest with ourselves. I’ve been in situations where I was unemployed, or under paid, etc. It is natural to spend time wondering, “how could this happen to me?” The answer is usually found within ourselves. It is easy to point fingers at others, but regardless of how many situations you find yourself in, you are the common denominator, and only you can control how you respond to those circumstances. Swallow some pride, accept that you have made mistakes that led you down this sorrowful path, and own it. You must face your reality and take responsibility for it. Once you do that, you can start to move forward.

What do I want to achieve?

Not all of us know where we want to go, or what we want to achieve. That knowledge only comes when we dig into ourselves and write those preliminary thoughts down on paper. Writing them down is important because it starts the process of ownership and accountability. Ideas in our head are easier to push to the side. Get the pad and the pen, and give those thoughts life. Spend time developing these ideas, and test their strength against criticism from others.

Will I commit to this journey?

Now that you know what you’ve lost, and what you want to gain, are you ready to do what is necessary to drastically change your circumstances? This couldn’t sound anymore cliche, and that’s the beauty in it. We limit ourselves more than anyone or anything on this earth. I know some of you are saying right now, “this is easier said than done.” Is that what you’re going to tell your children? To make excuses when things become difficult and uneasy? Oh, I didn’t think so… The journey will probably cost time and money, and you’ve got to be willing to sacrifice and pay if you want your dream life to be your everyday reality.

Every Man in a relationship needs support from his Woman.

Now Ladies, if your Man has put himself through the process described above, and has actively displayed his commitment to this process, then you have a pretty good Man on your hands. You’ve got to meet him halfway. Supporting anyone requires commitment within itself, and particularly when it comes to Women, Men are in need in three non-negotiables – Care, Trust, and Belief.

Supporting is Caring.

Admittedly human beings can be very shortsighted, and certainly Men do not escape that fate. We may not be able to make sense of how we are feeling, or what we are saying, but we long to have a young lady who in the midst of all that, can help us make sense of the confusion, and show genuine interest in caring about our cause and well-being. Show him you care by standing by his side, and being his partner to the fullest.

Supporting is Trusting.

Trust can be defined as “the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.” Show your Man that you trust him through your actions. Be a resource and a catalyst that helps him achieve his goals. That never means blindly saying yes to everything he says, or agreeing with all that he does – it is actually very much the opposite – but never forget that the way you approach the situation will make all of the difference. You can disagree without confrontation, and still articulate trust even when you don’t see things eye to eye.

Supporting is Believing.

I am not suggesting that you support a 40 year old man who wants to be a rapper – use your discretion. In the event that you don’t believe in his goals or dreams, you two may need to have a conversation. Still, be sure not to judge him, because judgment breeds hatred and that kills relationships. If you show genuine care and trust, your belief in him will shine through.

In closing, it needs to be said that this simple outline does not explicitly apply to a Woman supporting her Man, but also to a Man supporting his Woman. Reciprocity needs to be at the forefront of all relationships, especially romantic ones. Care for your partner, trust your partner, believe in your partner, and enjoy the journey together.

-ER