Dear Bee,
I’m having a big issue with getting my boyfriend to understand that he does not spend enough time on me. He’s a real family guy (he’s one of six kids!) and often spends time with them, but when he’s away doing his own thing he barely has time for me. We are trying to keep things going—we’ve been on and off now for about two years. We talk on the phone, but I feel like half the time he’s not even paying attention to me because he’ll be with his boys or playing video games or something. He also doesn’t seem to update me about important things in my life anymore and sometimes I think he lies about decisions that he hasn’t already made. My birthday was in July and he made promises to take me out but flaked. I was a softie about it and didn’t say anything—but it really upset me. What should I do? Is this relationship going to work?
Sincerely,
Pissed At the Boo
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Dear Pissed At the Boo,
So let’s address one thing first. A family guy is a guy you want to keep around. If a family is what you want to have one day in your life. A man who knows how to spend time with his loved ones clearly seems like a genuine individual who understands the important values of life. It also shows that he’ll make time for what’s important to him and that’s an important rule we have about anything your passionate about. If you care about something, you’ll make time for it. End of story.
The fact that your boo seems to be so distant though is another issue. Reflect on what has caused you all to break up in the past. Was it him? Was it you? Was it a combination of you both? Have your actions changed in regards to making the relationship work? Has he always been so nonchalant with his attitude towards you in the past? We all go through that lusty-love stage when we enter into new relationships, but an important part of growing with one another is being able to understand each other’s faults—including what they can and can’t change. Something’s take time and that’s essential to the sustainability of a relationship.
Tell your boo that you feel that he may not be committing enough to the relationship. And found out why.Perhaps, there is something he is holding back from you about the way he feels about how things are going. Chance is he might have a lot of pressure going on his life and needs to learn how to balance. One of the healthiest things you can do in any relationship is being able to effectively communicate your emotions. So, don’t pounce on him and give him the neck roll and deadly stare. Save that for when he acts real dumb stupid. But be calm and explain how your feeling. The only way you’ll know if the relationship is right for you is if you talk it out.
And finally, don’t beat a dead horse. If the boy ain’t going to change (and you can judge that from every time your relationship gets turned back ‘on’), then let him go. Trust me. You’ll still look good without ‘em. And save yourself precious time. So drop the dead weight if the love, is well, gone.
Yours Truly,
Bee
