They began to question my decision and then pulled me from confidence, making me feel as if what I was doing made no sense and that I should reconsider my next move — or my decision to have this baby. With each discussion I began to weigh myself down with doubt and worry. I started questioning how strongly I wanted to have an abortion.
“Why should you abandon your old life?”
“Isn’t this what you always wanted? Why move forward with this baby?”
“No, sugar, you should just stick to what you got.”
But when I arrived at the abortion clinic, I couldn’t do it. Something inside me wouldn’t let me part with this new life that was about to emerge from me. Strangely enough, I could talk to the baby inside me and it begged me not to let go, and to believe in the promise that this unknown thing could be.
I woke up in a cold sweat, my stomach flat, no sign of anything growing inside me, panting and distraught over the images that had just floated through my mind.
I revisited the dream the next day and realized that it had been my moment of clarity.
The dream wasn’t about having a baby or having an abortion. It was about aborting my past and welcoming a new path in my life.
It was then that I realized that sometimes it is necessary for us to dream a new dream. To not be afraid to accept the natural re-directions and detours that occur in life. For me, my excitement for the new life that I was carrying in my dream was representative of the new person that I was becoming in the present. It was indicative of how much I had changed, how much stronger I was, and how willing I was to bear the pain (birth the baby or hustle through life’s obstacles) to reach my new paradise.
The constant frustration I was met with in my dream was the natural pushback of society or haters. People that are unwilling to see you succeed — people who want to bring you down. It was my inner ego, attempting to control life. That same rudimentary mentality that thinks it can plan out a future that is vast and destined. In that moment, I realized the convictions I had held on to for so long were keeping me from growing, keeping me from evolving and reaching the new dreams that had began to emerge in my mind.
By not aborting my old life, my old thoughts, my old beliefs, I remained deadlocked and barren. I was stuck at a fork in the road, swaying back and forth, not sure if I was ready to turn left or right.
But it was that inner voice — that “child” within me — that reminded me of the innocence we all posses from the very first point that we enter this Earth. It was that innocence that made me believe in all the imaginable possibilities that I could be. It was that “child” within me that was reminding me of all the dreams that I had previously dreamed and how refreshing it can be to dream a new dream.
It was that “child” within me, reminding me that all things are possible if I simply believed.
That “child” beckoned me to let go. So I did.
That dream was the clarity that I had prayed for — the sign from the Universe that I needed to confirm the alterations of “my plans” for the richer life that I knew I deserved.
That dream was my defining moment. It was an absolution of all shady images of what I thought I wanted to become and a presentation of life’s journey, anew.
I say this not to creep you out about babies or birthing. But rather to make you reconsider your position in life and where you want to be. We cannot be afraid to begin a new – no matter how hard it may be. We must be willing sometimes to accept the unknown and the natural veering away of the road. Because often times the dreams that we have for ourselves are truly underestimations of the abundant lives that we are actually meant to live.
Are you ready to let go and dream a new dream? If so, then do. Dream. Dream a dream that is bigger than you. A dream that encapsulates more of yourself and passions than you’ve ever dreamed before. Breath life into it. And begin to live, anew.
