Finding out that you didn’t land your dream role, being ghosted by a romantic interest, or not getting invited to a friend’s event stings. Situations like this can leave us feeling rejected, something we all experience at one point or another. Despite how it may feel, rejection is not a direct reflection of our worth, and it can sometimes be out of our control. What we can control, however, is how we choose to respond to it. Continue reading to gain a deeper understanding of rejection and ways to cultivate resilience in the face of it.
Understanding rejection
Rejection happens when there is a lack of approval or acceptance. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs model, humans need love and belonging. So it’s no wonder why rejection and not feeling accepted can feel like such a threat to our existence. Scientific research even suggests that rejection can hurt just as much as physical pain because it activates the same part of the brain as stubbing a toe or spraining an ankle. The pain of rejection is inevitable, so we must learn to embrace it and move forward.
The most successful people face rejection
We often equate rejection with something negative. It makes us feel as though something about us is inadequate. Somehow, we just don’t measure up, and therefore, we are denied or dismissed. Rejection doesn’t have to be a bad thing. When we shift our perspective on what it means to be rejected, it becomes a learning opportunity that makes us better people and helps open new doors.
I’m sure you’ve heard the anecdotes of successful individuals who have overcome rejection. For example, early in Oprah Winfrey’s career, she was demoted as a news anchor for being “too emotional.” Winfrey’s authentic expression was not accepted at the time, but she later went on to host her own talk show, act in award-winning movies, and own a television network.
Take J.K. Rowling as another example. Rowling worked on Harry Potter for years alongside her teaching career while struggling as a single mother. She pitched her novel to several publishers, which many rejected. Today, over 600 million copies of Harry Potter have been sold. Everyone knows Rowling as one of the most successful novelists, despite the rejection she faced for so many years.
One quality that both women have in common is the ability to persevere beyond rejection. They didn’t let temporary setbacks stop them from being great.
Rowling said it best:
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you fail by default.”
How to overcome rejection and rebuild confidence
Whether it’s rejection from a job or feeling left out by friends and family, it can take a toll on our confidence and self-esteem. Here are some steps to rebuild your inner confidence:
Feel your emotions. Instead of being reactive, lashing out, and saying something you’ll later regret, sit with what you are feeling. Sometimes it takes a moment for us to even recognize that the root of what we are feeling is rejection. It can show up as anger, insecurity, disappointment, or isolation. Try journaling, taking a walk to clear your mind, or talking to a therapist or confidant to express your feelings and move past them.
Seek constructive feedback. Acquiring knowledge on how to improve ourselves can make us a better candidate for future opportunities. In some cases, there may not be any feedback. Somewhere along the way, there was a lack of alignment, and that’s okay! As cliche as it may sound, rejection is redirection.
Take note of your strengths. When facing rejection, it can be easy to focus on what we are lacking. This is the time to reflect and take note of the positive qualities that we possess. Think about when you de-escalated a situation using conflict resolution skills or when you effectively communicated during a presentation or meeting. If you’re someone who struggles to brag about yourself, there are many online evaluations to help you identify your strengths, such as the CliftonStrengths Assessment. You can also ask a friend, family member, or colleague.
Dare to try again. As Aaliyah once said, “And if at first you don’t succeed, then dust yourself off and try again.” We can’t let rejection stop us from living. Trying again doesn’t mean setting yourself up for failure. Once you’ve healthily expressed your feelings, taken in feedback, and reflected on your strengths, you can then re-evaluate and attract new options that align with your best self.
