How to Use Your Love Language To Love Yourself Better

“What’s your love language?”, one of the most commonly asked dating questions, right behind “When is your birthday…?”

Okay, I have no idea if that is factual information, but I’m willing to bet that it is. I’m single. Dating. Those are questions that are definitely in my top 5 line up. I love being nosey. I’m very inquisitive so I have questions for days. I believe it’s the best way to stalk someone on social media to get to know someone. 

I remember my best friend asking me what my love language was.  It was 2017, before the hype. I didn’t know love languages were a thing! She pulled the quiz up on my phone and I took it right there on the spot. This obviously was the key to finding true love. Spoiler alert: It was not the key, but it is definitely a necessary key.

For, those who aren’t hip to the love thangs, The Five Love Languages is a concept that was designed by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1992. He wrote a book detailing the five ways we can give/receive love. The site says it’s “the secret that has helped (literally) millions of people strengthen and improve their relationships.” Shall we dive in?

Words of Affirmation

Using words to express love, affection, support, and care. Compliments! Encouraging and motivating texts! I love leaving notes for partners and I love receiving them!

“I really appreciate you for buying me tacos!”

“I love you more than I love my shoe collection!

“You did a great job on your presentation, you beautiful gift from above!”

Acts of Service

These are the “actions speak louder than words” type of folks. Doing things to help your partner out in some way or doing things you know they would like and appreciate (even and especially when you don’t want to!)

Receiving Gifts

It’s exactly what it sounds like! Maybe you or your partner would prefer a small token of love/appreciation, something thoughtful and intentional. It doesn’t need to be a brand new car, remember the small things!

Quality Time

Intentional and undivided attention. This one is me. I love to feel like I’m the only person in the world when I’m with a partner!

Physical Touch

 Hugs, kisses, cuddling, holding hands, spooning, sexy time. Also me, I’d like at least one part of my body to be touching my partner’s body. The closer we are, the better.

I’m sure you’re thinking that you can assume which you identify with, but I encourage you to take the quiz anyway. There’s an entire breakdown that comes with your personal results!

Okay, let’s assume you know your love language, right? Now you can go discuss with your partner or slide into the DM’s of all the people and tell them “HEY, LOVE ME LIKE THIS! I FIGURED IT OUT!” but that would be weird and a waste of your time. Outside of expressing these things with random musicians on Tinder, potential life partners, FWB, – whatever your situation – you should dig deeper and reflect on how you love yourself.

Whether you’re single or not, you should speak your own love language. You should know what you want, what you need, your likes and dislikes. You should know how to calm yourself in the midst of a storm, you should understand your processes and routines, your habits, your purpose. If you don’t have all of the answers, no worries, you’re still alive so there’s time! But we have to remember, at the end of the day, any and everyone that you love could be gone tomorrow. A sad reality, but a harsh truth. Ultimately, you only have you. So act like it! Love on yourself! Take time to pour into your mind, body, and spirit! Here are some examples of what you can do to speak your own love language!

Self-Love Through Words of

• Journal about your successes, desires, and dreams.
• Write personalized affirmations on sticky notes, place them EVERYWHERE
• Recite your affirmations in the mirror every morning, every night, while you’re going potty, when you’re driving to the store, when you’re feeling happy, when you start doubting yourself, before sexy time, after sexy time, all the time.
• Listen to songs such as Savage the Remix until you know all of the lyrics. Learn, sing, and dance to lyrics as often as you possibly can.
• Talking to yourself is very healthy; be your own hype man.
• When negative thoughts arise, remember everything that you’ve overcome and achieved, you’re amazing. Period. 

Self-Love Through Acts of Service

• Cook dinner tonight or get something delivered, whichever you want.
• Reorganize and or redecorate your space.
• Clear the clutter; if you need to fold laundry, do it now. look forward to not sharing the bed with your sweatshirts.
• Tackle your to-do list.

Self-Love Through Receiving Gifts

• Buy yourself whatever tf you want. Nothing screams love like receiving a  notification that says, “your package has been delivered!”
• Pick up a special treat on the way home, you deserve that.
• Save up for that thing you need. I know it’s expensive, but it’s an investment.
• Book a staycation! Hotels are still open! Be safe!

Self-Love Through Quality Time

• Watch your favorite movies.
• Binge-watch all. of. the. shows.
• Try a new recipe. Pour a glass of wine, light some incense, turn up the Jill Scott vs. Erykah Badu playlist and get it going.
• Sexy time, but alone. There are options sis, don’t act like you don’t know!
• Try a new hairstyle, and if it ends up not-so-cute, try another.
• Head to your closet and put together new outfits. I noticed I was wearing the same jeans and button-up combo, so I took some time to try new looks! Jewelry and shoes included. Outside will open up again someday and we must have our ‘first day’ fits in order.
• Pray. Meditate. The ultimate quality time.
• Move your body. Walk, run, yoga, HIIT, stretch…whatever feels right.
• Journal. The thoughts are much better out than in. Processing isn’t always cute but it’s necessary.
• take a break from social media, at least once a month. v. toxic place, we all need a break tbh.
• There are so many classes being offered for FREE right now. Choose something you’ve always wanted to try or know more about, and take a class.
• Read a new self-help book.
• Sit outside in stillness and silence. Touch the ground, the grass, the water.

Self-Love Through Physical Touch 

• Get a weighted blanket, thank me later.
• Again, alone sexy time is a good time.
• Dance in the mirror to some sensual tunes. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, just move however your body wants to move!
• Give yourself a massage.
• Spend some extra time in the mirror. Be loving, and intentional with skincare and haircare routines.
• Hug yourself and give yourself pats on the back for a job well done. It may feel silly but trust me, it works.
• Look into the positive effects of ‘tapping’ for stress and anxiety.
• Breathing exercises.
• Body scan meditation, take notice of each part of your body, one part at a time.

You deserve whatever makes you happy! Now, go love all over yourself!