How to Get Over a Dead-End ‘Situationship’ With Style and Grace

By Shenika Chambers •  November 17, 2016

 

‘Situationships’ are deadly. Often because we know exactly when their happening but do very little to change the situation. We have become accustomed to their half-assness. Our expectations of what we are looking for in a partner are never reached by them. These surface level interactions are not binding. He may be a complete gentleman to you, but that’s only when he’s getting what he wants from you. After a while, that spontaneous meet up mid-week or that weekend extravaganza gets old…and it gets old fast.

I know I’m not the only woman to have dealt with this kind of situation. Sometimes we’re afraid that if we say something to our ‘other’ then we might push them away. Some of us are afraid to completely be alone, so we hold on to what little we can. Well, forget all that. Nowhere in a ‘situationship’ should your values be depleted and shoved to the wayside.

You may not know what to do, or even how to get out of a situationship. Here at Bauce, we’ve come up with a few changes you may find useful when getting over this prolonged, dragged out, dead-end situation.

Set Clear Goals and Standards for the Relationship You Want

We often get hurt once we realize that what we want and what they want are two completely different things. It is uber important that we clarify with the one we’re dating exactly what we are expecting out of the relationship. If you want to be f*ck buddies and accept him hitting you up at 2 o’clock in the morning when the bar closes—then so be it. What you allow will continue to unfold. However, through his actions, thoughts and words, he’ll show you what he deems important and if you are a priority to him, you will know it.

Forget His Potential

Since the beginning, women have always had the natural born tendency to nurture. While we find the independence or strength of a man to be attractive, we are often the ones that provide comfort and care when it is needed. We arguably also have the tendency to see potential in boys who have yet to transition into manhood. Stop it. A ‘what’s up’ and ‘are you up?’ text in the wee hours of the night is not him telling you he wants to be with you.

When a man truly desires a woman, you won’t have to hold on to hope that, in a few years, he’ll be the perfect man you need him to be. He will already be it. No, I’m not saying he has to be extremely successful and has all of his shit together—hell, do we? What I am saying is if he is not valuing and respecting the woman you are now, it just may take a cold day in hell before he ever will. Time is a valuable thing to waste. Know that you’re valuable and deserve more than half-ass companionship.

Break Away From Old Habits

Breaking habits is the last and final step of getting over your ‘situationship’. We often have habits that provide us with some sort of comfort. We continue to go back to less than ideal relationships because it’s familiar.  Well, f*ck familiarity! Be wild. Be dangerous! And stop going back to that asshole.

Make a change in your life. It doesn’t have to be a drastic change. Switch up the route you take to work. Or even, start eating healthier and do something good for your body. Ultimately, it is important to separate yourself from the person you know you will not be with.

You may be mad now and forgiveness is the furthest thing from your mind. But by forgiving the ones who have hurt us, we are no longer allowing their actions to affect us. Releasing the anger and built up animosity is sooo good for your person. It will allow you to really find yourself again and possibly look for a new relationship that won’t turn into a ‘situationship’.

About the author

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As a witty, kinky haired, small town girl, Shenika never takes no for an answer. Growing up, she was influenced by the strong women around her to persevere and succeed, no matter the odds that are stacked against you. She believes in the power of unity between women and knows that together, we can accomplish anything! Add her on Instagram @melanin.kvy

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Comments

  • Keyontae Richardson November 22, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    Enhancing the inner queen

    Reply
  • T November 28, 2016 at 7:20 pm

    Ugh, I just ended mine, it’s hard when you realize you’ve been caught up in someone who doesn’t even feel the same way about you. But, life goes on, I’d like to think I’ve learned from mine.

    Reply
  • D’Laun Montgomery December 22, 2016 at 11:39 am

    Great article Shenika

    Reply