By Lucia V. Smith
I am extremely self-conscious about dating younger men. I just won’t do it. There’s something about the nature of feeling older that seems to burden you and put more responsibility on your shoulders. Sometimes you don’t notice it, as I have realized from past experiences. But other times it hits you like a ton of bricks that shawty over there wasn’t as mature as his H&M outfit sets him off to be.
I can say I’ve experienced some fun times with younger boys. There is this creepy underlying sense though when you get approached by them. The last guy I dated who was younger than me had a three year age difference. It’s not to say that it doesn’t work for some people. But I guess it doesn’t work for me. The last guy was mad chill and collected. He had spotted me out in the bookstore and I remember thinking to myself—yes the kind of guy I have always wanted to meet! In the bookstore! But what I later came to find out was that home slice was just trying to hit and he didn’t realize that I was too grown up for that.
Another youngin’ that pulled me over on the side of the street one day had mad swagger. Cute face. CK model look. Crisp. Clean. But this one had more to him than what meets the eye. Apparently he was one of those broken-heart types that were looking to prove himself to someone. He wanted to date an older woman to show that he was mature and not an immature, player type wreck. But I didn’t want to be that “please change me, girl!”
Sometimes younger guys look to date older women to build their maturity. They think that if they are with a lady who is about her business they can get their life together or be about their business too. What I’ve noticed is that boys that are immature or unmotivated often need a girl who is driven to push them to do better, to go the distance or to feel mildly good about themselves. Which can be a good thing. And I have no problem offering that sustenance or being someone else’s motivation. But what I have found in these type of relationships is that often these interactions are unbalanced. What is in it for me?
A younger mindset perhaps. I have rarely dated anyone beyond the five year range (up and down the scale). It’s a personal rule. So, maybe there’s a different feeling for a woman who is 30 dating a young man who is 21. However, it seems hard for me, when you’re at a certain point in your life (I want children!) and he is just starting his life (trying to get that entry-level job!). Who will support who? I make more than him? What does that mean? The dynamics of dating younger are rough and tumble. You never really know what you might get. But then again, that’s the way it is with a lot of men in this world, you know?
All I know is I’m over dating little boys. I’m over dating immature, silly boys. And often times age is nothing but a number and the immaturity or insensitivity level can be higher for the 9-to-5 man than the love-struck collegiate. Which makes the dating game that much harder.