Everyone has that friend that seems like they have no matters and never apologizes. They could run over your dog and then just shrug their shoulders and walk away. On the opposite side of this spectrum is the person who apologizes for everything. If she made a joke that wasn’t funny, she apologizes. If she coughs, she apologizes. If the wind blows just a little too hard — she apologizes. I don’t know about you ladies, but I find over-apologizers annoying. Often times, I want to scream, “What the heck are you apologizing for? It’s not your fault!” More importantly, there’s something inherently self-prohibiting about being “sorry” for everything. It reflects insecurity and stands as a roadblock to personal growth.
Therapists say that constantly apologizing shows low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Always saying, “I’m sorry” trivializes your apologies overtime, making you seem less sincere from people around you. Think about it. Would you believe your man if he was constantly saying, “I’m sorry?” for every mistake or wrongdoing that he made? The first thing you would think is yeah, okay he’s full of it — after he apologizes for not returning your call for the fifth night in a row. But overtime, you’ll start to see him as an individual who uses the word “sorry” as a scape-gate and be less likely to trust in his word anymore.
The best apologies involve both the true feelings of regret and a way to help the wronged heal. This is why repeatedly trying to rectify everything you see as a mistake on your part makes what you say insignificant. You can’t genuinely feel remorse about so many different things in a short period of time.
Another mistake a lot of us make is to throw in an excuse with our apology. This is actually placing blame on some one else for our actions. If you really feel that the other person is to blame for your actions then you really don’t regret what you did. Now that we have that cleared up, let’s talk about the damage that is done to your soul by saying “I’m sorry” too much. Besides making us look weak and submissive, over apologizing can become a habit. The habit can be so bad that we apologize for our accomplishments as well.
Why are we apologizing for getting ahead? Just stop it! But how exactly do we do that? The next time you want to say I’m sorry take a breath before you speak and allow yourself time to think about what you are saying and if the situation really calls for an apology. Monitor what you say and why you say it for a period of 21 days. According to researchers at Florida International University, that’s how long it takes to break a habit (it takes about two weeks to create one! Think about that). If you are constantly saying the “S” word, it’s time to get a grip. We all can easily fall into doing it, but think before you speak and break that habit.
