Believe

Throwing Shade, The Classy Way

shadeT.I. and Rihanna advise us to ignore haters ‘til they fade away but sometimes those fools just won’t disappear.  Despite your best efforts to be an adult and simply ignore the animosity, sometimes you just gotta put your fabuous, stiletto-clad foot down and address the ‘ignance—but in a classy, Bauce-y way.

So how to throw some shades without having it bounce back and hit you smack in the face?  Here are some tips to being assertive without making an ass out of yourself:

1.)  Don’t start out a full out war over social media.  Do not, I repeat, do NOT post up some angry statuses, tweets, vlogs, and/or tweegrams that are full of nonsensical threats or retorts and contain typos, grammatical errors, and people’s names. Fighting on the Internet is pointless and makes no one — especially you if you start it — look good.  If you simply must let out some form of cybersteam, do so healthily—read tip #2.

2.)   #Humblebrag, what?  You are a Bauce, which means you are fabulous and do fabulous things.  Tell the world!  Show your haters that your life is way bigger than anything to which they try to reduce you.  Instagram a hot picture of your and your girls at the club. Even take a sexy selfie if that’s your style.  Post up a status about your promotion, awesome progression in school, or even just how you worked out hard for 2 hours at the gym.  Put your awesome life on display, and give them more of a reason to hate.

3.) Confront the hater(s) directly if you can, preferably in person. If it’s a serious issue, rather than some petty comments or gossip, then it’s better to directly face the person and have a talk like adults.  There’s no need to begin the conversation in a heated manner; instead, be a bigger person and ask to speak to the person directly.  If you have amazing self-control and grace, you can even offer to talk to them over a meal.  However, if it’s honestly a nemesis that you need to face down, sometimes the best way is to privately Facebook message or text and politely ask what the deal is.  See if you can’t talk it out reasonably—if they’re unwilling to come to a solution, then end the conversation politely and firmly and know that you can walk away with a clear conscience.  If that happens, proceed to tip #4.

4.)  Remember Eleanor Roosevelt’s famous words.  “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Also remember the famous maxim that haters only hate what they can’t have or can’t be.  You are way more, and better, than anything some jerks will say about you.  They don’t know you; you know you, and you know you are way above and beyond their jealousy or concern.

So put away the Vaseline, put your hoop earrings back in, and tell your girls you don’t need back up: you ain’t gonna throw no blows, nor swang them thangs.  Simply stay the smart, sexy, stylish, and sassy woman you are—and remember that, although it may take days, weeks, months, or even years—eventually, all haters do fade away.

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