Believe

Stop Ego-Tripping, Girl

God-EgoBreak up with boyfriend number three went something like this.

Him: I’ve been thinking and when I get back we should talk. I haven’t really been happy.

Me: (to myself- “Are you bleeping kidding me? You just left for Chicago today and are there for over a week. You want me to wait a week to talk about you being unhappy? You want me to wait a week to potentially heartbroken? You’re crazy!!!”)  Don’t bother.

Him: What? (His voice increased 8 octaves.)

Me: Don’t bother. There’s no need to talk when you get back.

As I talked to a few friends, males and females, no one gave me any slack for the way I handled things. The consensus: “You should have waited until he got back.” No one wanted to hear my side. However, to be honest, I could have handled it differently. I didn’t have to go straight into battle-0f-the-egos mode. I didn’t have to deliver an unexpected blow (the screech in his voice made me even prouder of my coolly delivered line) that would ensure I won the battle.

Typically, when we let our pride get the best of us it’s usually a result of an underlying feeling like fear, anxiety, or shame. I really liked this guy (although the way I ended things suggests otherwise) and the thought of having to wait to figure out if he still felt the same way about me, or liked me enough to figure out if I was a part of his unhappiness or a few unexpected things that had come up with work lately (I failed to mention that detail earlier) felt unbearable. I felt like I had failed and that I was bound to be rejected and dumped. There was just no way could I tell my friends, many of whom though he was a great catch, that he broke up with me. So, in order to curb my own fear of being broken up with and rejected, enduring the return of my own insecurity of not being pretty enough (as a child I prayed to be pretty, that’s how unpretty I felt) I ended it first.

No confetti fell from the sky. I didn’t get a trophy to adorn my mantle for initiating the break up.  It was a shallow victory for a battle that in retrospect didn’t exist.

That’s the thing about pride. It is the giver of shallow victories over battles that our own fears, anxieties, and insecurities disguise as real battles or issues. Pride robs us of real victories over opportunities seized, chances taken, issues addressed, life experienced.

So, how do you experience victories over real battles (i.e. applying for that job across country, applying for grad school, negotiating a salary increase, etc.)? You let go of your pride. You recognize pride as a mask for other feelings you should take the time to address.

What are some of the feelings that like to masquerade as pride?

  • Fear
  • Rejection
  • Abandonment
  • Anxiety
  • Low self esteem
  • Shame
  • Unworthiness
  • Victimization

What are some of the experiences that lead to those feelings?

  • An absent caregiver
  • Hostile or unhealthy  professional/personal   environments
  • Unhealthy relationships ( past or present, romantic or otherwise)
  • History of abuse/assault
  • Traumatic experiences
  • Unfinished business (i.e. relationships or experiences that did not end well but you never processed)

What does the mask of pride look like?

  • Overspending and living above ones means
  • Consistently minimizing the work and worth of others to esteem your own work and worth
  • Refusing to ask for or seek help
  • Having oodles of acquaintances to happy hour or salsa dance with but no real friends
  • Ignoring reason, good advice, or being told “No” from people you know have your personal/professional interest at heart
  • having to have the last word

How do you remove the mask?

  • Be honest with yourself about the root of the pride (i.e. Being made fun of as a kid for being overweight and fear of still being made fun of although you’re at a healthy adult weight).
  • Ask for help. Whether it’s a close friend or a professional, once you realize whatever the experience is that has left some of the aforementioned common feelings, ask for help in resolving those issues. Friends can be helpful as you start taking off the mask, however I recommend a professional for helping you adjust to all that pretty your pride was hiding.

I don’t know if reining in my pride, fear or insecurity would have salvaged our relationship. However I do l know it would have kept me hidden from the beauty of other relationships I have since been able to enjoy.

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. LT

    January 24, 2013 at 5:30 am

    I absolutely love this! I never thought about how I handle things as Ego-Trippin’ but the books (and articles) I’m reading these days suggest otherwise…cuz like you, I feel VERY justified in how I handle situations.

    Read The Soulmate Experience…

Go ahead, boo. Tell us what you think.

To Top
ARE YOU READY? GET IT NOW!
Increase more than 500% of Email Subscribers!
Your Information will never be shared with any third party.
SUBSCRIBE TO NEWSLETTER
Turpis dis amet adipiscing hac montes odio ac velit? Porta, non rhoncus vut, vel, et adipiscing magna pulvinar adipiscing est adipiscing urna. Dignissim rhoncus scelerisque pulvinar?
GET IT NOW
500% MORE SUBSCRIBERS
EFFICIENCY
BOOST YOUR SALES
CREATIVITY
INSPIRE YOUR VISITORS
BE UNIQUE
CREATE UNIQUE POPUPS
READY TO BUILD YOUR EMPIRE LIKE A BAUCE?
Sorry, we only roll with all-stars.
Sign up for our free newsletter to get the motivation and resources you need to become a self-made woman. We put you on to the best info out there. For real.
Your Information will never be shared with any third party. Promise.
SUBSCRIBE TO NEWSLETTER
All rights reserved © Company Name, 2014
Dolor aliquet augue augue sit magnis, magna aenean aenean et! Et tempor, facilisis cursus turpis tempor odio, cursus montes ac turpis. Ultrices! Massa integer augue ridiculus adipiscing, massa cras pid. Turpis placerat scelerisque, vut odio mus non, mattis porttitor, nunc odio, turpis tortor sit? Pid amet, sed facilisis.
  • Goblinus globalus fantumo tandempo
  • Scelerisque cursus dignissim donus
  • Montes vutario lacus quis arcupolisio
  • Leftomato denitro oculus tepircos den
  • Spiratio dodenus christmas popupius
  • Afrenius globalus spiritum tandempo
  • Fitatos vutario lacus quis arcup delis
Do you want massive traffic?
Dignissim enim porta aliquam nisi pellentesque. Pulvinar rhoncus magnis turpis sit odio pid pulvinar mattis integer aliquam!
  • Goblinus globalus fantumo tubus dia montes
  • Scelerisque cursus dignissim lopatico vutario
  • Montes vutario lacus quis preambul den lacus
  • Leftomato denitro oculus softam lorum quis
  • Spiratio dodenus christmas gulleria tix digit
  • Dualo fitemus lacus quis preambul pat turtulis
* we never share your e-mail with third parties.
Do you want more traffic?
Dignissim enim porta aliquam nisi pellentesque. Pulvinar rhoncus magnis turpis sit odio pid pulvinar mattis integer aliquam!
  • Goblinus globalus fantumo tubus dia montes
  • Scelerisque cursus dignissim lopatico vutario
  • Montes vutario lacus quis preambul den lacus
  • Leftomato denitro oculus softam lorum quis
  • Spiratio dodenus christmas gulleria tix digit
  • Dualo fitemus lacus quis preambul pat turtulis
  • Scelerisque cursus dignissim lopatico vutario
  • Montes vutario lacus quis preambul den lacus
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER AND START INCREASING YOUR PROFITS NOW!
* we never share your e-mail with third parties.
Do you want massive traffic?
Scelerisque augue ac hac, aliquet, nascetur turpis. Augue diam phasellus odio lorem integer, aliquam aliquam sociis nisi adipiscing hacac.
  • Goblinus globalus fantumo tubus dia
  • Scelerisque cursus dignissim lopatico
  • Montes vutario lacus quis preambul
  • Leftomato denitro oculus softam lorum
  • Spiratio dodenus christmas gulleria tix
  • Dualo fitemus lacus quis preambul bela
PGlmcmFtZSB3aWR0aD0iMTAwJSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxMDAlIiBzcmM9Imh0dHA6Ly93d3cueW91dHViZS5jb20vZW1iZWQvajhsU2NITzJtTTAiIGZyYW1lYm9yZGVyPSIwIiBhbGxvd2Z1bGxzY3JlZW4+PC9pZnJhbWU+
* we never share your details with third parties.
ARE YOU READY? GET IT NOW!
Increase more than 500% of Email Subscribers!
Your Information will never be shared with any third party.
GET THE MOTIVATION YOU NEED TO SUCCEED.
Sorry, we only roll with all-stars.
Join our mailing list to gain access to weekly inspiration and our free private community of ambitious women that will help you grow in business and life.
Your Information will never be shared with any third party. Promise.