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Revenge of the Exes

woman-on-bad-dateAs famous French novelist Marcel Pagnol writes, [pull_quote align=’left’] “If this sucka is calling you up at midnight asking if you want to come over for a ‘catch-up’, please, PLEASE know the answer to this one. You are a Bauce, not a booty call.”[/pull_quote]If an ex-lover tries to work his or her way back into your life, it can be easy to reminisce the past and become nostalgic of the good times.  Yet there’s no denying that were was a reason it ended.  An old flame may seem hot, but it can still burn down your entire house.  But doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?

When an ex comes around how you gonna act, how you gonna handle that, whatcha gonna do when s(he) wants you back? (Thanks, Mya.). Here are some tips for dealing with “The Case of the Returning Ex”:

1.)  Be mature.  Hopefully, all you Bauces are adults, or at least act like one.  If not, now is a great time to do so.  Be respectful, polite, and well mannered, and show that person how classy you are.  Keep the conversation friendly and platonic, but nothing more so until you find out the ulterior motive for why he or she contacted you again.

2.)  Avoid quick intimacy.  If an invitation for a get-together gets thrown out on the table, make sure you carefully consider the details.  Are you in a new relationship or even just casually dating someone?  Probably not a good idea to meet your ex at all.  If you’re completely single or you really do want to still see your ex, make it happen in as casual as an environment as possible.  Quick lunch or coffee is always the best option.  Make sure alcohol doesn’t enter the equation.  But if this sucka is calling you up at midnight asking if you want to come over for a “catch-up”, please, PLEASE know the answer to this one.  You are a Bauce, not a booty call, especially not for an ex-boyfriend.

3.)  Carefully consider the options.  Why is this ex coming back?  To rekindle the spark, to be friends, or just to get some familiar booty?  Was the break-up good or bad?  Are either of you dating someone?  Was it an abusive relationship?  Did your friends and family like this person?  Think of everything that becomes affected by having this person back into your life.  Think long and hard before you allow this bridge to remain standing.

4.)  Keep it to yourself.  Unless you trust your friends and family’s judgment one hundred percent, this is a decision you should make solely on your own, not by the influence of anyone else.  And believe me, friends and family will always have strong opinions when it comes to the exes in your life.   It’s good to consider some input and advice, but don’t let outside opinions drown out yours.

5.)  Follow both your head and heart.  If your head and heart aren’t in the same direction in regards to this matter, you have to come to a choice where they will be.  Following one can easily betray the other, which will never benefit you in the long run.  Whatever seems most logical but at the same time makes most emotional sense for you is the right choice.  And after careful thinking and reflection, you will know.

As Marques Houston croons, “If you love something, let it go.  If it comes back, then’s that how you know.”  Except you really don’t, but hopefully these tips will help in carefully making this type of decision.  Just stay strong and smart.  Ultimately the only person who knows what’s best for you is you.

 

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