Just when you think that you finally have a hold on him, the eight months of hard work and dedication have gone to waste. You’ve tried the whole friends with benefits thing even when it didn’t sit well with you, and catered to the needs of him wanting to be single but still have you as the unofficial girl. But at the end of the day, you have come to realize that it was all just a part of his game, one that you stayed in longer than you needed to.
Ladies, there’s a reason why we should be independent sometimes: it’s to prevents us from getting into the situation with a guy that has all that you’re looking for, but just can’t commit. And those men fall into two categories:
1.) The guy who tells you upfront “Listen, I just want to be able to have a good time with you with no responsibilities,” or
2.) The man that tells you he wants to keep it all good and fun but acts like your boyfriend most of the time. Talk about mixed signals.
It’s called the pre-relationship game, where guys try there best to keep the situation under their control. I think it may have something to do with the psychological need for the man to have a sort of dominance (and the fact that it’s easier to play around than truly admit to how they’re feeling). At the same time, there’s this b.s. that if the guy finally gives in to the idea of the relationship, then they will be “tied down,” as if being with a girl that you’re digging should be equivalent to imprisonment.
The same idea goes for women as well. There are women who adore the idea of having a man to spoil them (golddiggers is the word that I’m looking for) but don’t necessarily want to become wifey just yet. For females this act in behavior might result from a terrible break-up or the lack of trust that the woman may have for men in general (especially since there are some ladies who think all men are lying, cheating dogs). And sometimes, women just want to be in control too.
However, no matter who is playing the game we need to agree that it definitely has to be put to rest. I mean, no one stays young forever, and we get to the point in our lives where we need to settle down and make a life with that special someone. But how can a person go about doing that if they continue to play these silly, close to juvenile games? I agree that there is no perfect individual but everyone has a perfect mate that’s out there for them. And these pre-relationship games are only going to be a block on finding that right one.
If you think about it, fear of a failed relationship is the ultimate reason why these games are played, so I think we all need to just man up and be brave enough to enter into that relationship with that someone who’s been there for us all along.
So, how do we regain control, ladies? If he’s acting up and trying to tell you that he wants to “wait” or “take his time”, put a limit on how long you will wait, but don’t make it too soon. Often times, guys are still trying to recover from some past pain and they don’t mature as quickly as we do. Extend the expiration date on the unofficial phase, but don’t let him walk all over you.
Secondly, if you’re giving it up — stop. Or at least slow it down. If you can finds way to make him miss and want you, his antics might just dissipate over time.
Thirdly, you need to hear the words. If you all are not exclusive, there is a problem. If you all are exclusive and he still hasn’t said “I love you” yet, I would press pause. You need to know if feelings are growing, or if it’s just another fling in his book that he’s gotten comfortable with.
Test him. Make him want it. Gain control. And if he’s still acting out, pull the plug. Game over.