By Lucia V. Smith
I always wondered what it would be like to date a white guy.
No, seriously, I have. It’s not like I wouldn’t do it. I’m a liberally minded chick, who loves diversity, and can kick it with any guy any day. Not to say that I don’t have my preferences (tall…check, dark…check…, handsome…check), but I’m open. I am.
I just don’t know what it takes to get a white boy to like me. Whenever I hang out with my non-black friends, I get asked that question a lot. As they sit and tell me how they think Brad Pitt is so hot and how I need to see Chad White with his shirt off, I smile weakly, offering up a giggle every now and then, and prepare myself for a night where I get no game. And then one of my girls will ask, “Would you ever date a white guy?”
And I’d respond, “Yes.” If they would just freakin’ approach me!
I noticed something about white men and black women. Now, I ain’t knockin’ anybody’s lemonade, because I’m a fan for interracial relationships and some couples just make it work. BUT me. I’ve learned lessons from Billy always passing me the ball during fourth grade recess and Kyle attempting to run his fingers through my hair during high school biology class. Attending a big ol’ predominately white public school in the South didn’t help either. But all these instances taught me one thing.
That I can be your play thing, but nothing more.
They think I’m cute, yes. For a black girl.
They think I dress nice, yes. For a black girl.
And they dream there fantasies away about us black girls, how exotic it must be. Maybe thinking the same thoughts that those old craggy headed plantation owners used to do before the Emancipation Proclamation. Okay, I’m taking it too far. But I’m just keeping it real. And I’m not going to toss all the cup of tea on them. Because as much as I tell people that, yes, I would date a white man, everyone knows there are few things that are going to get me out of my chair and take me out of my comfort zone. So shoot. We both to blame.
But if a white guy would just approach me for something more than some midnight fun or to play the role of their “girlfriend” which their real girlfriend finds flirtatious and cute and never feels bothered by, then maybe I’d actually be able to expand my horizons a bit.
But as a young colored girl, I’ve always wondered. What’s it like to date a white guy?
I know someone’s got the answer.
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It’s not really different from dating any other kind of man. The key word is [i]man[/i] and not white.
Ok, I totally get what you’re saying, and I feel ya. But if there’s one thing I know about real relationships, it’s this for sure: (This coming from me, a white guy) I’ve spent much of my life being completely sexually driven and interested in white girls. Now I still planed on never having sex until marriage and still make this conscious decision, but one day my (black) best friend’s sister tells me that she has some deep, genuine feelings for me. I went home that night actually questioning my ideals on love and my feelings toward women. She asked me to homecoming night a fews days later; thinking back on that nite, I said yes, and we had alot of fun and couldn’t wait to do it again. A few nites ago now, we went to this year’s homecoming at dallastown high school in PA, a year later, and we are more in love than ever before, and I am thankful for second guessing myself that nite. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. How’s that for a change of perspective? And I plan to marry her someday. :)
I have dated them exclusively during high school and my early college years. I will NEVER do it again. Just like my friends they seem to just have us as their temporary thing until they get their “real” girlfriend that they settle with. I have been called racist names when I refused to sleep with some. Yes now some Black guys I date get upset if I am not interested, but the deep hatred does not come out. They were constantly trying to prove just how better they were than black men and even said some things that actually hurt me deep. There were times that I would just let it slide because I wanted to show that this interracial relationship can work. Whenever we were walking around black men they would grab me tighter or kiss in a way as if to show the men look at what I have. When I was young I was under the belief that white men make better partners and lovers and boy was I dead wrong. Honestly inside I felt like a slave just constantly trying to prove my loyalty to them. Now I feel much more comfortable in my dating life. I can have discussions and arguments without walking on eggshells. I can talk about racial issues that really did eat away at me but I just kept quiet. I feel the soul connection I never felt. Everything was superficial before, a great big show. Sexually the way they look at me was very different to my now black boyfriends. Although my new boyfriend is not as chivalrous or romantic buying me things like the white guys did but I feel real genuine love and that is very new to me. I think being in love with someone in the same race is unmatched. One thing I didnt understand was why a couple of my white boyfriends wanted me to sleep with their friends. One had his friend videotape us having sex. I regret that and have learned. I hope that answers your question